What’s with the name?
Some of you who know me as Shelley Burkhart may be wondering what is up with the Elle Hart name change especially if you have seen my book. To explain, I am sharing 2 posts from my original blog on essentiallyshelley.com
Post 1: Identity Crisis 4/2019
I am currently working as an Instructional Aid at a middle school helping kids who struggle. Today my assistant principal moved me to a different class. She introduced me to the new teacher as Mrs. Burkhart so I corrected her and let her know that I have the kids call me Miss Shelley. She then said I can’t do that and have to go by my full last name, not even initial. We proceeded to have a back and forth about how I choose to be addressed which was unpleasant for all of us.
Here is my issue. During the 25 years I was Mrs. Burkhart not only was it my name but it was part of what defined me and I lost myself to it. I was happy to take it at the time and don’t regret it at all but I am no longer that person and prefer not to be verbally reminded of my ex all day long. It has been quite a process to discover who I am as an individual and I would like to keep my focus there now. So, easy solution (which she also suggested), use my maiden name. Two reasons that don't work for me either is my kids are Burkhart and I don’t wish to separate myself from them even by name so I legally won’t change it and honestly I have no desire to take my nonexistent dad’s name back either. Just as smells conjure up memories for people, both of my last names bring back a flood of bad memories associated with stress.
Hence the identity crisis. I’m not having some major emotional breakdown, I just very simply don’t want to be referred to as Mrs. Burkhart or Ms. Reddam 8,000 times a day. So I have dug my heels in and will continue to be called Miss Shelley especially since the kids already know me by that but I have a new empathy for divorced women who have a similar struggle. It is a very strange feeling to think I don’t have a name that really belongs to me. Help me out ladies, am I the only one who feels like this??
Post 2: Simplify to Amplify 4/2021
This Starbucks cup sealed the deal with something I had been contemplating recently. My legal birth name is Rachelle but I have been called Shelley my entire life. This is probably a good thing because whenever I need to use my legal name, it is a complete pain!! No one ever gets it right, both in spelling and pronunciation. It’s not just one common mistake, there are several variations people come up with. In fact, when I was going into junior high I remember trying to use it so I seemed more “sophisticated” but it was exhausting so I have always just stuck with Shelley. There is nothing wrong with it besides having to accept that everyone will constantly spell it Shelly. It has suited my bubbly personality and fit my life as a mom with 3 young boys so it was never anything I ever questioned until a few weeks ago.
I have no idea why or where it came from but the other day out of the blue it dawned on me that Elle is a perfectly logical abbreviated version of my name. In fact, it’s an abbreviation for both Rachelle and Shelley. So I stated this revelation to a friend who thought I was a little wacky for just now figuring this out but that’s beside the point. We used it a few times for a joke but I really liked it.
Now, many of you know I struggle with a Starbucks addiction and have been trying to kick it but my school is right by 2 of them so it has been very challenging to avoid the temptation. Given that I believe everything happens for a reason, had I not gone in for a fix the straw may not have ever broken the camel's back. To be fair it is difficult for baristas to hear with all the chaos going on and the added plexiglass barriers with muffled masks doesn’t help but really….. Jelly!? When I received my order and saw this name on the cup it was the sign I needed that it’s time to move on from my Shelley days.
I have been in the midst of many major life changes in the past few years anyway, so why not add one more to it?! If you have read my previous posts, you will remember that I wrestled with my identity post divorce, as it was in terms of a last name. If I am going to shorten my first, why not do the same with my last and create a whole new one? So, I would like to introduce you to Elle Hart! I am and will always be the same person but as with everything in my life, I am evolving into a more empowered version of myself. It is the icing on the cake of independence, a professional representation of the new business I am creating through Feel Empowered Everyday and fits the mantra I embrace, “Simply to Amplify”.
I also am of the belief that it is never too late to try new things in life to expand yourself. It just so happens that this expansion requires a subtraction (of just a few letters).
