Independence
We all just celebrated the 4th of July in some way or another. Most people ask if you had a fun time, did you bbq, go to the lake or watch a fireworks show? But I am more curious about how you celebrated in a different way. What does being independent mean to you?
This is a huge topic for me for several reasons. Of course, there is a lot going on in our country right now that questions people’s freedoms especially concerning our freedom of choice, but I am not getting into all that here. I am more concerned with what independence looks like in your everyday life. Your first reaction may be to view yourself as being an independent person, but I challenge you to dig a little deeper. Consider what you do for a living, how you behave in your relationships, where you are with your health and wellness and most importantly, how independent are your thoughts about yourself.
I spent my entire life being dependent on what others thought of me to determine my view of myself and therefore how I conducted myself. Since all the changes in my life over the past few years, I have never cherished independence like I do now. I created Feel Empowered Everyday to help others live life on their own terms independent of the need to be more like someone or something else in order to be connected, respected, appreciated and empowered.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that you can be dedicated to others while keeping your own sense of independence. We are better to others when we have a strong sense of self and honor who we are. This independent perspective also opens the door for us to realize that it is natural for others to act independently of the way we do. Going through an individual deep dive or side by side comparison of each person's Strengths helps set you up for relationships built on respect.
We are taught to think that setting expectations of ourselves and one another is necessary in order to achieve success. But I argue that expectations are an attempt to control or create dependency in some way. Think about it, if I set an expectation for you to be on time, your success is dependent on whether or not you meet that expectation. There’s an immediate undertone of you must do as I say or else. But if I set a boundary that I won’t be late myself and communicate that I will leave on time whether you are here or not, we are both making independent decisions. We are putting the onus on ourselves, not someone else. When relationships are based on respect we replace expectations with respectations meaning our behaviors and decisions are driven by positivity due to our consideration for ourselves and others, not simply trying to avoid the negative consequences of not meeting expectations.
The more comfortable we feel living with an independent perspective, the more comfortable we are when those around us are as well. We don’t feel the need to disempower others by trying to control their lives. When we do things for others what they can and should be doing for themselves no matter what the intention is, we are creating a sense of dependency on their part to satisfy a need in ourselves. Helping to prevent pitfalls also prevents learning resiliency which is a key factor in living with an independent mindset.
Remember, you can have an independent mindset whether you are deeply ingrained in a family, friend group, with work colleagues or are flying solo through life. It is all about how you view yourself and having a strong emotional intelligence based on your independent Strengths is a great foundation for living life on your own terms without feeling dependent on others for approval. It’s what helped me finally feel empowered enough to do me unapologetically.
