Goals and Resolutions
What’s your take on New Year's resolutions? I love the idea of having goals but have always struggled with keeping them. Therefore, I hesitate setting them because not reaching them is just another cause to doubt myself. But year after year I would do it anyway because the prevalent message is in order to be successful you need to set goals or resolutions. It wouldn’t matter if they were specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound, if I wrote them down, had them plastered all over my house to remind me or had an accountability buddy. I just couldn’t figure out why it was so difficult for me. But the more I tried, the more I struggled and the more I listened to the voices telling me I would never be successful.
But all that has changed! Learning my personal Strengths order from the CliftonStrengths Assessment and really diving deep into their meaning made all the sense in the world to me. Everything about goal setting is in my bottom Strengths so no wonder they would not only not work for me but make me doubt myself so much. I do not thrive by being rigid, consistent and disciplined. And I am not driven by attaining various achievements especially if they involve meticulous planning and deliberating.
So, does this mean I will never be successful? If not, how on earth do I motivate myself to get further along or challenge myself to reach the next level? Each and every day in some way I am reminded to stay in my top Strengths. In terms of approaching a new year and the idea that this is when you are supposed to set new aspirations for yourself, I now look at it in a completely different light. One that actually resonates with who I am and how I do things best instead of how I think I should be doing them.
I have learned that success comes from honoring yourself. I thrive by helping others move forward (Influencer domain), often leading by example. And am driven by solving problems (Restorative #9) especially when I am focused on the positive feelings (Positivity #10) that come with a solution.
In applying this to resolutions and goal setting, it looks like this. Instead of setting a goal to lose 10 pounds by March 1st because I feel bad about myself or remember that I used to be (Context#33 - value from the past) a certain weight on the scale (Analytical #32 - value in numbers and data), so I try all kinds of unsustainable routines (Discipline #28 - value from schedules) and think I should be follow everyone else’s (Competition #34 - value in comparison) advice which will lead me right into failure before I lose a pound because I am so stressed about it. I am much better off addressing the problem (Restorative #9 - natural problem solver) that my jeans are getting too tight and I don’t want to have to go buy more. The solution is to eat healthier and exercise more so I enjoy getting dressed in the morning and feel comfortable in my clothes. This sets me up to succeed because I am going about it in a way that is best for me.
Another example is… Instead of setting a new year's resolution to become an accomplished author and sell x amount of books that gets me enough notoriety to be a guest on a variety of podcasts drumming up all kinds of new business making me millions of dollars (Achiever #30 - value in accomplishments) , which will lead me right into failure before I even write the first word because I am making it all about me and my accomplishments with a focus on numbers versus helping people. (Relationship Building domain) I am much better off addressing the need for anxiety relief (Empathy #3 - naturally sensitive to others feelings) especially among teenagers and young adults in a format that is most appealing to them (WOO #1 - natural concern to be liked) by jumping right in (Activator #2 - naturally impulsive) with the perspective that what may come of it for myself is whatever is meant to be (Connectedness #5 - everything happens for a reason mindset). This sets me up to succeed because I am going about it in a way that best serves others.
I hope this provides you with a new perspective on how to get where you want to be in a way that is best for you. Click on the Let’s Connect button if you would like to go through your own personal Strengths order.
